No. I Am Into You. Just Not All The Time.

Alright, I’ve heard it for the last time. It’s been coming up everywhere for the past five months, and it’s completely absurd and inane. Last night I sat in on a discussion about the book and just a few moments ago a girl I am/was seeing pulled out on me her paraphrased version of He’s Just Not That Into You.

Fuck that.

The application of Ockham’s Razor into the psychological quagmire that dictates a male’s approach to relationships—romantic or otherwise—is wholly irresponsible, misleading, and just plain bullshit.

Don’t listen to any of the nonsense in that tawdry, exploitative bestseller or whatever advice that charlatan imparted on Oprah. He was a consultant on Sex and the City. Of course he’s not going to be that into you. He’s gay.

A male can tell you he cares a lot about you while still not wanting to be with you. What’s so wrong with that? He has a firm understanding of his real and substantial feelings [in “caring about you”] while eschewing such banal ambiguities [as in “being with you”]. Part of why you probably like the guy so much is because he does make a stand against such hollow abstractions as “dating,” or “going out with,” or “husband.”

Men are not that simple. We are rather complex, and by complex I mean very, very easily confused. And who can blame us? You wish us to be ambitious, while humble. You want us to be well-read, but with a six pack. You want us to be smart, though dumb enough to date you. Give it a break. Try all you want to deconstruct us, tightly tying together our actions and our intentions in hopes of wringing out some comprehension of where you “stand.” To a guy, you stand wherever you’re fucking standing, unless of course you’re sitting or trying a variety of other poses.

So why do we waver? Why do we appear so indecisive and inconsistent?

It’s pretty simple, sometimes I feel like a hamburger, sometimes I don’t. It’s basic physiology. And funnily enough, the same part of my brain that controls my hunger also controls my sex drive.

We were talking about sex, right?

Of course, this generalization is not intended to encompass every man, it just applies to all the men that you’ll ever meet.

So that’s pretty much it. My whole point is that we aren’t that simple. Or was I saying complicated...?

Whatever. Let’s go back to talking about sex again.