The Culinary Landscape of America

The West Coast has a couple of fast food restaurants that you can’t find back East. The common thread of these eateries lies in their dubious names.

In and Out Burger
Jack in the Box
Astro Burger
Carl’s Jr.

Now, I’m sure this is not an original observation. As a matter of fact, Peter Farrelly wrote in The Comedy Writer,

“Carl’s Junior grammatically disturbed me, sort of like Howard’s Johnson.”

After reading that, I could never return to the place. But it was no big loss since, personally, burgers aren’t my thing. I’m more of a hoagie type of guy. Don’t even mention Subway to me, though. My loathing for that place is going to be a whole other posting.

So if you’re like me and have an undying love affair with subs, you’re really left with only a few choices. Any sub joint that’s possessive in title is bad news. Potbelly’s, Quizno’s, and Togo’s are so poorly ventilated that you’re essentially throwing your clothes in a dryer with burnt toast. So we have to rule them out. Instead, there are only two things I can suggest:

Wawa and Penn Station.

The meat and ingredients at these places are top quality. Wawa itself is regional, which explains why most people outside of Pennsylvania think I'm baby-talking when I suggest it. Well, that, and I also baby-talk a lot.

Then we have Penn Station, which is East Coast subs. It even says so right on its insignia.





Thing is, you can only find a Penn Station in the Midwest. This was the reason why I took such a winding route through middle America. I had to have it breakfast, lunch, supper, and dinner. It was my personal version of Chicken Trek. The sandwiches and the boardwalk fries are so good that it would explain, if not justify, why one third of all Americans in the middle of the country are morbidly obese. So please, reserve judgment on them until you have a bite.

By the way, Chicken Trek is a cult classic children’s book. Think Kerouac, only instead of the search for Subtle Profundity, it’s fried chicken. It’s also a book you’d actually want to finish. If you have not read Chicken Trek, that would explain why you’ve forgotten how to dream.